Imperfect

I run an imperfect household. There are so many things I haven't figured out. Parenting is HARD work!!

Email and new friendships

I'm starting to wonder how helpful emails are in building friendships. For friends you have an existing relationship with that has been built over a significant period of time, it's different - they know you relatively well (hopefully!) and should have a fair idea of how to interpret what you've written. You can pretty much just be yourself.

But with new friends I find myself in a different place. Initially I'm all gung ho and happy to be myself, then after a little while I start thinking too hard about everything and worry about offending them, or asking too many questions, or sharing too much... I write and rewrite and rewrite, delete, rewrite, delete, and then after clicking send I think more about what I wrote and wonder whether I should have included bits I deleted, or deleted bits I included.

I'm thinking emails are not such a helpful tool for me to build new friendships, but I'm not sure how to get around it as email is such a big part of how we do life and interact and organise everything now.

Any thoughts?

This is real life

As a significant birthday approaches, I look back over the last ten years or so and wonder whether it all really happened, sometimes it feels like a movie - surely this isn't my life! But it is. Here I am today, having been through a whole lot of experiences I never thought possible. But the future is filled with new possibilities, and new opportunities to share other people's journeys with them.

Longings

Sometimes my heart is filled with longings.

Just wondering

Sometimes I wonder if people would treat me differently if they knew nothing about me, or at least if they didn't know I was divorced and have kids. It's so easy to judge people, we do it all the time. Oh to love people like Jesus did, to accept and love them just as they are.

Sometimes I wish

I said to Mum and Dad tonight that sometimes I wish I was a guy. A guy can ask a girl out if he's interested in her.

In my mind, it's not an issue that's clearly black in white in the Bible, but I like it when the guy is the initiator. If my feelings were removed, that's the way I think it should operate. Unfortunately though, God gave me emotions. I'm slowly learning to try not to listen them, but to listen to God and His Word.

Questions and more questions

Having one of those days filled with questions, lots of questions. Desiring that my heart would engage with the truths that God tells me in His Word, that He is with me and that He gives us hope. Reminded last night to come to God and give our emotions to Him.

Anticipation

'The feeling of looking forward, usually excitedly or eagerly, to something that is going to happen.'

An old ad

Do you remember this ad on TV: 'When will I see you again? When will we share precious moments?...'

I think it might have been a chocolate ad. Anyone else remember it?

Ants in my pants

Sometimes I feel like I've got ants in my pants.

Where have all the good men gone?

I gave a friend a copy of a book with this title for her birthday last year. I'd heard that it was an interesting read, and the title grabbed me.

I reckon as we get older, we make life more complicated - we think more and are more calculated about taking risks, which ultimately is probably a good thing, but it means we don't enjoy the moment as much as perhaps we could.

My brother's much better at enjoying the moment than I am, and he's encouraged me to analyse things less. It's a very hard habit to break though!

Eager

I just looked up the meaning of 'eager'. And it reminded me of a friend (who's now married) telling me a number of years ago he thought I was like a beaver. I said thanks sarcastically, assuming he was saying I had two big front buck teeth. But he said it was more the way the eager beaver goes about life and busies itself.

In the Encarta World English Dictionary, eager is defined as:

1. enthusiastic and excited about something and impatiently waiting to do or get it

2. expressing enthusiastic interest and expectation or an impatient desire to do something

Sounds about right really. :( I wish I wasn't so much like a beaver!

Laboratory of Learning

So I got sucked in to the Koorong 20% off sale - decided it'd be a good opportunity to buy a new book now that uni's finished for the year. Ended up buying both Passion & Purity (Elisabeth Elliot) and How to Get a Date Worth Keeping (Henry Cloud), which are both probably at opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to relationships/dating. I also couldn't resist buying the latest Every Day with Jesus titled 'Soaring above the storm', I enjoy Selwyn Hughes writing and thought it'd be good to have a more directed devotional for a while.

I've started reading Cloud's book and so far my hackles are up and I'm not convinced it's going to be the world's most helpful book. But as a wise old man shared last night one of the keys as Christians is humility and being prepared to listen to other people's perspectives on God's Word and to ask God to reveal His truth to us, rather than assuming we're right. I'm not even sure what I believe when it comes to this issue anyway!

It's funny how your views change over time. Years ago I went out with a few guys just on one or two 'dates' and it was fun (mostly anyway!), though I wasn't particularly keen to develop a long-term relationship with a few of them from the start, the date/s gave me the opportunity to confirm that, rather than just writing them off. Now things are different. I guess there are less opportunities when you've got kids - a single mum probably isn't particularly desirable, if I were a guy I'd be looking and praying for a single woman who hadn't been married before and didn't have kids.

Anyhow, I digress. Many of Cloud's comments raise questions and concerns for me. He writes this pledge:

'I will date as an end in and of itself. I will not longer see dating as a place only to find a mate, but as a place to grow, experience, and serve other people. It is my new laboratory of learning, growth and experience.'

Laboratory?!!!! It sounds terrible!!!!! I guess all relationships are that to some degree, but for some reason it doesn't seem fair in a 'dating' relationship.

I'm all for growth and learning, and relationships are an important part of this, but I'm still not convinced that we should 'use' dating in this way. It sort of turns it all around as though to say it's all about me, which it shouldn't be at all. It should be about mutual enjoyment, encouragement and growth.

He also writes, 'I advised her to look at a date as an activity to get to know someone and spend time doing something fun, with no pressure.' I think this is good - being free to relax and be able to be yourself rather than having to put on some sort of dating fascade.

Cloud gives an example of a divorced woman who in his view needed to date for the sake of learning so that she could improve her ability to pick a good man, rather than jumping into a relationship where she felt 'in love'. I somehow doubt that dating would help her on this front!!! She's just as likely to fall 'in love' with the first person she dates. I'm sure it's a whole lot more complex than that.

Anyhow, I'm sure Cloud is a very wise man, I'm not meaning to give him a hard time, I'm just wanting to think carefully about his recommendations and figure out how I can best glorify God in this area of my life if there's an opportunity to in the future, which I'm hoping there will be! :)

tic-toc tic-toc tic-toc

Trying to get to sleep, listening to my stupid clock. So many thoughts buzzing through my mind. The middle of the night is not a good time to want to debrief and talk about deep stuff, especially when your cat's the only one you can chat to, and even he's sleeping.

Sometimes I wish I was a snail

Sometimes I wish I was a snail, then I could hide in my shell.

I really dislike this ad

That dreaded phone call

Why is that sometimes when I need to make a phone call, I just can't do it? Sheridan Voysey was keen for us to do a review of his latest book Open House 3 in the next edition of the magazine. It was interesting timing, because they'd written to us once before about the last volume and we didn't have space, but this time I was actually thinking of contacting him the same day he emailed, but I hadn't yet worked up the courage. After all, he speaks on the radio, I'm just Alison, a Mum and whatever else I am.

Anyhow, I was meant to call him yesterday or sometime this week and kept putting it off - I was nervous because I've never really officially interviewed anyone for the magazine, and he's on the radio. Having done a lot of the stuff I was aiming to do today earlier this afternoon I figured I should just bite the bullet and call him. He was very down-to-earth and easy to talk to. Phew. So my week that was looking rather chaotic, hasn't been as chaotic after all. Hooray! And now it's time for a cup of coffee.

Very Clever People

Pixar has a bunch of very clever people working for them - check out this behind the scenes interview. Love a lot of their movies.

Life

Sometimes life is a hard slog.

Yesterday

Last night I played keys at church for the first time in a few years. As the service began I was so nervous, haven’t been nervous like that in a while.

When I played at another church and at college a few years ago I was part of a big band and I usually just played (didn’t sing on a mic as there were plenty of singers), but last night it was just the leader on his guitar and singing, and me on piano and singing. I struggle to play fast songs so that was nerve-racking, especially without drums. To make matters worse, the lights at the front of the church had been turned off just before we started, so I could barely read the music. In the final song I had to drop out for a bit because I couldn’t read the chords at all... it was terrible. Maybe I need a magnifying glass next time I play?

Earlier in the day I enjoyed being part of another church service, catching up briefly with some old friends, and meeting a few friendly new people. Then had to rush off for father’s day stuff. It was a busy day, but sometimes busy days are good – there’s less time to think. Saying that, this morning’s devotion from 103.2 was titled, ‘Simply resting’. Hmmm.