A process

A friend read this passage to me this afternoon from Romans 5:1-4, and talked about the 'process' of growth that each of us go through and how God uses our suffering to shape us into the people He wants us to be.

'...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.'

On my way home I heard a song that's often playing on 103.2, 'Break My Heart' by Jonny Diaz. The words that are often ringing through my head: 'Let me see through the eyes of the hurting, come break my heart... true grace sees a face not a burden, come break my heart, Lord, break my heart.' It's one of those songs that reminds me of an older pastor in our church who often challenged us about the words we were singing, I can imagine him saying, 'Dangerous words!! Are we really ready for God to break our hearts?!'

I want to be a person who God uses to reach out to others with His love, but I get in the way. Little old me, focusing on my own pain, instead of on Jesus.

Perspective

Matthew 22:36-38 (New International Version, ©2011)

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.

Handing over the wheel

Unless I hand over the wheel completely, I may as well say I don't trust God, that I don't believe He is in control of everything.

I love the way Elisabeth shares her heart and part of the journey God took her on in Passion & Purity. The caption on the cover stood out today, 'Learning to bring your love life under Christ's control'. Handing over the wheel.

Elisabeth quotes S D Gordon who describes waiting in his Quite Talks on Prayer:

'Steadfastness, that is holding on;

patience, that is holding back;

expectancy, that is holding the face up;

obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;

listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.'

She then writes, 'How long, Lord, must I wait? Never mind, child, Trust Me.'

Revel in me. Find your joy in me. Delight in me. Trust me.

Just do the next thing

Read this on the girl talk blog today, quoted from Elisabeth Elliot:

“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment my moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’
Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’”
--author unknown

Totally devoted to prayer?

I want to be, but I'm not.

Tonight after making a decision, it occurred to me that I hadn't prayed about it. In the scheme of things, it wasn't a big decision, but for me it was a reminder how easy it is to use human logic and speak to others for advice, instead of seeking God's wisdom on different issues I face in my life. It's the heart of sin, living life my way rather than walking with God and living life His way.

Colossians 4:2 says, 'Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.'

What a challenge.

God's Spirit reveals our own brokenness

so that God can restore us.

A friend has been reading 'Broken Down House' by Paul David Trip and suggested I read a particular chapter she's just finished. Really enjoyed it, keen to read the rest of the book!

Found this brief video of Paul sharing a bit about the book.

He's already at work

'For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.' John 6:38

What does God want me to do? Should I continue with a particular ministry? There are so many decisions to be made on an ongoing basis. Sometimes making these decisions is tough and confusing.

Yesterday I went to a 'mission shaped evangelism' seminar and John North shared some great thoughts about letting Jesus minister to others through us right where we are, right now. I realised I've often been so caught up in thinking where God wants me next that I miss opportunities He has for me right now. John explained that where we are right now is right where God wants us to be - where we've living, the people we're in relationship with, the activities we're involved with - and that God is already at work in the lives of these people and He wants us to join Him in what He's already doing.

John also suggested that at times we can come up with our own ideas in ministry and ask God to bless our great idea, instead of looking at where He's already at work and being a part of what He's already doing. It occurred to me that there's a particular idea I had in my life and have been wanting God to 'bless', all the while He's been asking me to let go of my idea, and let Him show me His idea, when He's ready to show me. John suggested three simple steps in thinking through what we should do - reading the Bible, prayer (prayer that listens!), and a commitment to be obedient.

I'm really glad I was able to go along yesterday, to be reminded of God's sovereignty, and to be encouraged to relax in His will where He's put me right now.

Truth vs Feelings

If you've read any of my blogs, you'll most likely have seen that I have a tendency to think with my heart first. I'm an F in Myers-Briggs.

A few weeks ago our Pastor spoke of the importance of listening to God's truth in the Bible, as opposed to our feelings. This is something my Dad often tells me, but I usually rebel when he tells me - my pride gets the better of me and I just wish he'd leave me alone. When the pastor said it, I was more accepting of it, and I've been sitting on it for a few weeks and thinking more about it here and there.

My feelings scream all sorts of negative messages, and as I listen to them I worry and they become overwhelming. But when I finally challenge my feelings and look to God and His Word, he helps transform my thinking, to put my 'problems' in perspective, to remind me of His promises, of His undeserved grace and of His promise to guide my steps if I trust Him with all my heart and stop leaning on my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Aagh, such a struggle. To listen to the truth rather than my feelings.

Exploding relationships

I'm having one of those moments when I feel like my head's going to explode with so many questions and things to think about. Yesterday I came across this interesting video related to the question, should girls pursue guys? My head says of course not! In an ideal world the guy should pursue the girl - he should be the leader, that's the way God designed it.

But my heart gets the better of me more often than not. In the video, it's suggested that guy/girl relationships should follow God's example - He chose His bride (us - the church) first, and He came after us. I think I agree that this should be the model for guy/girl relationships, but it also raises some questions.

I was chatting with a bunch of ladies about the issue this morning and one recommended the book 'Passion and Purity' by Elisabeth Elliot. Earlier today I had planned to head over to Koorong to buy the book I'd read about on the website, thought it'd be an interesting read. But after speaking to these ladies thought I wouldn't rush straight out just yet. Maybe I'll get Passion and Purity instead?

Found this interesting interview with Elisabeth Elliot about a response from a 17 year old boy to her book. He wrote, 'Elisabeth was extremely careful not to reveal her feelings for Jim. If she did, she would become the initiator and deny God her whole self.' I never really thought of it like that. He also wrote, 'Christians need to realize that God does not always want to take something away from us, but He wants to take us away from ourselves and our selfish flesh.'

I guess ultimately the key is our relationship with God - taking everything to Him, committing everything to Him, trusting Him in everything... though this is hard to do in practice!!

The black cloth and the gospel

There are some days where the weight of the black cloth seems so heavy - I find myself thinking and saying things I know I shouldn't think, I find myself trying to live my life independent of God because trusting Him means stepping out into the unknown and that scares me. I'm often so focused on my own needs and hurts that I don't see other people's needs and hurts and support them.

The black cloth. Sin. I heard the analogy last night about jewellers placing diamond rings on black cloths to make them sparkle even more, and look even more beautiful.

The diamond ring. The gospel. I finally realised that the gospel is about more than just Jesus (though He is at the heart of it!) - some other religions also believe in Jesus, but they don't believe the gospel. They don't believe that first we rebelled (and continue to rebel) against God, that Jesus lived a sinless life on earth and then paid the price for our sin by dying on the cross and being raised back to life so that we might enjoy relationship with God and the promise of hope for eternity with Him.

OK, there will be people who don't understand the term 'the gospel' at first (none of us did!), but that's why someone needs to share the message of all that Jesus has done for them, and the hope that He offers.

The black cloth is an important part of the story, but it's only the beginning. The gospel turns the black cloth into something special that can be used to the glory of God.

I read this last night, 'We were ultimately designed to find true joy, identity and purpose in God, but man sinned (Gen 3), which changed everything!' It hurt to read these words, because I realised how often I don't find my joy, identity and purpose in God. I seek after 'created' things, rather than the Creator Himself. When God is just waiting for me to come to Him so He can offer me true joy, identity and purpose.

Learning to Trust

I'm meant to be studying for my maths exam - have done some reading this morning but very distracted!! So took another look at Psalm 9.

'Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.' v10

I look to God's character and to countless stories of His faithfulness in the lives of others, and in my own life, and see a God who can be trusted. Yet for some reason I so often don't trust Him. I want to trust Him, but trusting Him means taking a risk, it means following Him into the unknown, though it's isn't the unknown for Him. He reaches out His hand, 'Trust me, I will never forsake you, TRUST me!'

Fresh Direction

'Dpn't keep on yanking on those loose strings of your life, thinking your own plan is best. Bring the whole tangled knot to Him. Bring Him your failures, your false starts, and your well-intenioned crusades that landed you on the backside of a lonely desert. Let Him sort through the details of your life, and give you fresh direction.

No one unties knots like the Lord.'

'Lord, I am willing,
I am willing to receive what You give,
I am willing to lack what You withhold,
I am willing to relinquish what You take,
I am willing to suffer what You require.'

Moses - A Man of Selfless Dedication by Charles R Swindoll (p129)

The devil is in the detail

One of my old bosses always used to say that the devil is in the detail. She was a big picture person, and she hated the details. I, as her PA, was the opposite. Now that I think about it, there may be more to the phrase than I ever realised before.

Definitely for me, sometimes the details have confused the more general message God has given me. I'm not saying details aren't important, I think they are - but sometimes they can be a distraction, and may be my heart confusing God's original, simple message. The disciples didn't know all the details when Jesus called them to follow Him, they just followed. They just looked at Jesus.

Just discovered this version of Psalm 46:10, from The Message. Love it!

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole,
breaks all the weapons across his knee.
"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything."

Obedience that costs

When catching up with friends on Monday night, I was reminded of something God clearly told me a while back (not audibly, but it was very clear). Initially my thoughts were: 1) God is soooo good; 2) no worries, if that's what He wants me to do I'll do it. But then as time passed I realised just how hard it would be to do what God had asked me to do.

This is probably the most I've ever struggled with obedience. I've already failed lots, and when I haven't failed I've struggled an awful lot! But through it God has been teaching me more about the depth of His love for me.

So often as I've heard the story of God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, I've kind of skimmed over it. The fact that he doesn't have to go through with it is the bit that stands out most. It's not nice to sit too long with the feelings Abraham would have experienced as he built the alter and laid his son Isaac on it. But sometimes that's what it's like for us as we obey God. Obedience often costs.

Any offensive way

I found this scrappy bit of paper in my Bible the other day - I'd written on it during our Bible Study on Psalm 139. I also blogged about it back then.

We'd been encouraged to pray and ask God to show us 'any offensive way' in us (v24). Four months on the challenge is just as great. But God's grace is just as sufficient as it was four months ago and as it will be four months from now.

It's not always about doing

This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
“Only in returning to me
and resting in me will you be saved.
In quietness and confidence is your strength."

Isaiah 30:15 (New Living Translation)

I had to read the 'resting in me' bit a few times - initially it didn't make sense. As someone who likes to get on and do things, I was a bit baffled for a while. But then suddenly it started to make sense. God has done it all.

I remembered back to Sunday morning's message, that Jesus is the heart of the gospel. Only by resting in Him will we be saved! It's not about what I do, it's about resting in Him and what He has already done on the cross. Sure, as we rest in Him He propels us forward to do stuff, but not the other way around.

'Only in returning to me and resting in me'. God reminds me to get my priorities right, to seek first His Kingdom, to rest in Him. Instead of trying to figure out what to do, there are times when I need to just rest in Him. That's all. Rest. Why do I find that so hard?!

Putting aside my feelings

Very often (nearly always, I’m afraid) when I come to church my feelings are uppermost in my mind. This is natural. We are human, we are “selves”, and it takes no effort at all to feel. But worship is not a feeling. Worship is not an experience. Worship is an act, and this takes discipline. We are to worship “in spirit and in truth”. Never mind about the feelings. We are to worship in spite of them.

From ‘Let me be a woman’ by Elisabeth Elliot, p5

Tired from the journey

Tonight this verse stood out to me as our Pastor was speaking about the story of the woman at the well:

'..,Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well...' John 4:6

It reminded me of God's heart for people - that even when Jesus was tired, He was still thinking about other people's needs. If I want to be like Jesus, I've got a mighty long way to go!! I'd love to have Jesus' heart for others and be able to still love and care for them despite my tiredness. At this point I just feel tired from the journey.

Today's been kind of a big day - sang both services, shared a bit this morning during the service, and we're preparing to move, probably this week. I think reflecting back over the last 19 months or so made me feel a little overwhelmed. God has been incredibly faithful, but His faithfulness doesn't erase the pain.

This morning's sermon was on Job - it was an excellent sermon. This is embarrassing to say, but I had never read/heard the ending of Job, and realised that there's a 'happy' ending. I thought Job just had a miserable life his whole life. I was excited to see God turned things around for him.

Oh yeah, and tonight it was great to chat more deeply with a few people after the service - one gave me a hug and just encouraged me, and another offered to pray with me. That's what the body of Christ should look like - people supporting other in life and pointing each other to God.

Complicated

Last night as I lay in bed, the main thought running through my mind was 'life is complicated'.

Since I woke up this morning, God has constantly been reminding me to enjoy today, and stop worrying about tomorrow. Yeah, life may be complicated, but God gives me the strength to deal with today. He knows my needs. Matthew 6:31-35

My grandparents were down from Queensland recently for my Pa's 80th birthday. Yesterday we took the girls to the beach and they absolutely loved it, especially Lucy. Lucy lives for the moment, and enjoys all the good things God's given us. Meanwhile I was getting frustrated because I thought it was too cold for them to be in the water, but Lucy wouldn't listen to me, she was determined to get in the water. I was worried they might get sick again if they got too cold. I also don't like getting sand everywhere.

Sarah and I did have fun drawing in the sand and building various shapes, but I know it would have been more enjoyable if I'd been prepared to worry a little less, and just enjoy the opportunity God had given us. To enjoy today.

Rediscovering Jesus

My Great Aunty's friend gave her a book to give to me (not sure why exactly, but it was very generous of them), called 'The Indwelling Life of Christ: All of Him in All of Me' by Major W. Ian Thomas. In the introduction he writes:

'The utmost need in every ministry group, every missionary outreach, every denomination, is to rediscover the Lord Jesus Christ and the indispensability of His indwelling presence within the believer. This means encountering the risen living Lord who shares His life with us on earth on our way to heaven... so that He may accomplish through us what He began to do in His own physical body two-thousand years ago.'

Think it'll be a good read. Our greatest need: to encounter and rediscover Jesus.