Thursday, November 11, 2010

One at a time... or lots?

In Henry Cloud's book, 'How to get a date worth keeping', he recommends not 'dating' one person exclusively so as to enhance your opportunities of getting to know different types of people, and learning about your own behaviours and ideas. He recommends dating lots of people at once.

I guess it kind of depends on your view of 'dating' too, but I'm not really keen on the idea! It does seem kind of flirtatious to me, though I suppose there's nothing wrong with getting to know more than one person at a time - it's probably the dating context that worries me. I'm pretty sure I won't ever have to deal with this issue myself anyway, but what do people think about this idea?

It's linked to his view that dating is not about marriage, which I'm not entirely sure about either. Part of me says it's great for a guy and a girl to just get to know each other and have fun together (which in my mind may not necessarily be classified as dating, maybe 'catching up'? ;), but the other part of me says it's not fair to keep doing this with someone if you don't intend to at least consider a serious relationship (and eventually marriage) down the track.

Something Henry does cover which I agree is really important, based on my personal experience, is accountability. He suggests having a dating accountability team who you talk to about your dating experiences and get to 'vet' anyone you're growing to like. Trusted friends who will be honest and help you identify your weaknesses in a loving way, and encourage you to grow, and pray with and for you, are invaluable in life generally, and as Henry suggests, when it comes to dating.

Here are a couple of quotes I found helpful in the book:

'Dating is about getting to know a person, sharing, talking, doing things together, and exploring spiritual matters - and that is what friends do. So, in a sense, every relationship should begin there.' p218

'People who are good for you are going to have a threefold effect over time:
1. You end up closer to God...
2. You end up closer to others...
3. You become more of yourself.' p225-226

'Lose your idol to receive what God has for you. 'Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well' (Matt 6:33).' p208

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