Heart over Head

As our Pastor so kindly reminded me this morning, I have a tendency to let my heart rule my head. He can get away with telling me the truth, even if it hurts, because he has an eye patch - who'd mess with him? But he's also walked with me, and many others, through many years of tough stuff... so I know he says what he does because he cares and wants me to keep growing in my walk with God.

I guess it's true. I often let my heart rule my head - it's the "F" in me (Myers-Briggs). Especially, when I'm stressed I tend to make decisions based on my feelings, rather than the facts. Very dangerous, sometimes anyway.

Maybe that's why I love reading about David in the Bible and reading the Psalms, because he was described as a man after God's own heart. He was a passionate man. He was passionate about His faithful God, and doing His will.

What's that saying, "Your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness"? Very true.

David's heart was completely sold out to God, yeah he was human, but ultimately He wanted to do what God wanted Him to do. That's the kind of heart I want.

Just pondering about nothing much

I've had one of those morning's just observing stuff - nothing particularly profound, but stuff I find interesting, even if no-one else does. There's so much to ponder in life.

Our cat's funny - he's quite scared of the wind, and just generally a bit on edge, poor thing, must have had a troubled child-hood. This morning he jumped when the toast popped out of the toaster. Then he tried to attack the shadow of my fingers on the wall as I was opening a jar of peaches for Lucy. He's a fraidy-cat, but the girls and I love him.

Then I had to go to the Doctor... people often say it's helpful to remember that there's usually someone who's worse off than you, and in this particular instance I agree, not that it made me feel that much better about it. I often wonder why anyone would want to be a doctor. I guess all jobs have their down-sides. Could write some more about my experience at the Drs, but some things are better left unsaid.

On the way home I saw a post-man walking (not on a motor-bike). Maybe he's trying to get fit? I was wondering whether he would deliver our mail all the way down the bottom of the hill and was thinking that was pretty impressive, but as I got to the top of the hill I saw another post-man on his motor-bike - thought it'd be a looooong walk for a post-man.

Seeing the Big Picture

The girls and I had fun catching up with a friend and her little boy this morning. We got talking about seeing our suffering in light of God's bigger plan, but at the same time not minimising suffering. This can be hard to do at times. Sometimes it's easy to purely focus on the toughness of suffering and let it overwhelm us... and if we're not the ones going through the tough situation it's easy to say "spiritual" stuff and to quote verses to remind the other person to think about God's bigger picture... but I think the two go hand in hand... We need to recognise the tough stuff, while remembering God's bigger picture, and remembering that NOTHING can separate us from His love.

My friend shared some of what her hubby had been preaching about yesterday based on Romans 8 - that God talks about the Holy Spirit helping us in our distress and praying for us with "groanings" that cannot be expressed in words. It's OK to find it tough, to struggle. But amidst that toughness, we need to reach out to God, to let Him encourage our hearts, to ask Him to help us see life through His eyes.

Peace

Last night's sermon was on Romans 8, "Life through the Spirit". It's interesting how God speaks to each one of us individually, in different ways (by His Spirit). Though it wasn't really discussed as part of the message (that I recall anyway), the verse that stood out for me, was: "the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (v6b). My NLT says, "But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace".

Peace... God assuring me He is in control, that I can trust Him completely. God assuring me He is walking with me every step of the way. God assuring me if I put my hand in His, He will faithfully lead me and show me each step of His plan when I need to take it. God calling me to rest in His arms, to let His Spirit control my life and fill me with His peace. To relax in that.

Seems that I'm not always surrendering to God and allowing His Spirit to control my mind though, otherwise I'd constantly feel this peace, but often I don't... I'm good at worrying. But in the Bible God tells me not to worry. And He tells me that He offers life and peace through His Holy Spirit.

Peace. Life through the Spirit is a life full of peace.

My Solid Rock

There are so many Psalms that talk about God being my Rock.

Things in our lives are constantly changing - sometimes it seems hard to keep up with all the changes. But God does not change. God will always be the one constant in my life. He is my Solid Rock.

When I was in hospital pregnant with Sarah (33 weeks), I wrote this in my journal, and later read it at Sarah's dedication. Three days after I'd written it, Sarah was born, six weeks premature.

"I'm lying here in the hospital bed at Royal North Shore Hospital, desperate to go home. The doctors don't really know what's wrong with me and until things have been under control for 24 hours, they won't let me go home.

Even though a number of people have been visiting me, I feel so alone. Baby's been very content every time she's been monitored so far, but I'm still scared. It's hard not knowing what's happening, or what will happen and when. Could I be in here for weeks until she's born?

Please God, I ask that You would provide some kind of resolution soon. Take away the pain, keep my baby safe and help me to seek my comfort in You alone.

I praise You, God, because You are God and You love me like no-one else can. Wherever I go, You are there, even in the darkest of places. You walk beside me and carry me every step of the way. You know my innermost thoughts and fears, those that I can't even express. And You love me.

You wrap Your arms around me and I feel safe and secure. Even though I don't understand what's happening or why, I know that You are everything I need and You know the answers.

Thank You that You are my Solid Rock. When others let me down, I am reminded of Your consistency and Your faithfulness.

Father, thank You for Your peace amidst the storm."


Yes, God has been my Solid Rock. And I know He will continue to be my Solid Rock.

James 1:17 tells us that God does not change like shifting shadows. He is 100% reliable, 100% dependable.

I don't need to fear the future because God will be my Rock.

He is Sovereign

A few days ago I started looking at different aspects of God's character, and pondering about my fear of the future in light of His character. Here are the characteristics I've explored so far:

1 God will be my confidence
2 God will sustain me, carry me and rescue me

Today I'm thinking about God being Sovereign, as indicated in Psalm 71:5. "For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth."

I think another part of my fear of the future is around making mistakes and wrong choices. What if I stuff up? What if I have already stuffed up? The fact that God is Sovereign gives me hope - it is God who is ultimately in control. I have to admit I don't completely understand how this fits in with our free will, and how there is suffering in the world and in our lives if God is Sovereign, but I do know that even Jesus, God's own Son, suffered... so for some reason it seems God's doesn't see suffering the same way as we do. God seems to use suffering as part of His greater plan. I know this presents lots of questions for most of us... but I need to remember that my understanding and wisdom is finite, while God's is infinite.

Regardless of what I think and all the whys, God is Sovereign. That's what His Word tells me. He has supreme authority and power.

How does this fit with my fear of the future? It tells me that I don't need to be scared of stuffing up - ultimately, God will have His way, ultimately He is in control. The verse also talks about God being my hope, and once again, my confidence.

Coping... or not

I've realised that one of my coping mechanisms when things are tough is not so good. I never planned it to be one of my coping mechanisms, it became one by default.

I have no idea how many people read my blog, but perhaps after this post there'll be less people who'll read it... take that as my warning.

Here's the scenario. My head's throbbing, I haven't been getting much sleep for what seems like forever, both girls are having tantrums and I just feel like there's nothing left in me to go on. So I say something like, "This is just hell. Life is just such hell. Why is it so hard?!!!!" Yeah, if you're reading this, you'll be horrified. How can a mother say this in front of her children! And how can she go on to write it on her blog! I agree!!! Though my humanness sometimes gets the better of me...

I need to find a better way of dealing with these tough situations as there will no doubt be more to come! I tend to be very verbal when I'm stressed, and talk through what's happening (as much as I can anyway...) with the girls.

At the Revive conference last week I was really challenged about this. In one workshop we were encouraged to come to God as David does in the Psalms and ask Him our "whys". I realised I needed to find something helpful to say in front of the girls that would also help me to cope. So I was thinking maybe I could print out a Psalm and stick it on the wall and say that, instead of what I've said previously.

Louise, a lady who I'd never met before, who came and prayed with me on Saturday night, mentioned a Psalm that she thought might be good about my couch being drenched with tears. I didn't realise there was a Psalm that talked about that. It's Psalm 6. So here's what I'm sticking on my wall.

Psalm 6:3-6, 8-9
My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; 

save me because of your unfailing love.
I am worn out from groaning; 

all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
Away from me, all you who do evil, 

for the LORD has heard my weeping.
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

Psalm 7:1a
O LORD my God, I take refuge in you


Hopefully this will be a helpful coping mechanism!

Little mouse on a treadmill

The girls loooove going to the pet shop. They could spend hours looking at the animals, especially the fish. I'm surprised the pet shop haven't started charging us an entry fee!

This morning they giggled away as they watched the little mouse on the treadmill, running, running, running, as fast as his little legs could go... he nearly fell off at the beginning (must have been his first time), but he got the hang of it pretty quickly. He got tired pretty quickly too and had to hop off for a break.

Sometimes the treadmill of life is pretty exhausting... doesn't take long before I feel like I need a break, but often it's not as simple for us as it is for the little mouse - we can't always just hop off the treadmill whenever we feel like it... I can't stop being a Mum because I'm too tired!

But the second verse I'm looking at about God's character reminds me that God will sustain me in life. It's from Isaiah 53:4.

"I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Perhaps another one of the reasons I'm scared about the future is that I'm scared I might not be able to make it to the end, that it'll be too hard and I'll be too exhausted... But GOD will sustain me.

I don't need to be scared - yes the journey will at times be exhausting and I might want to get off the treadmill, but God will sustain me... He will carry me... He will rescue me.

He will be my Confidence

Enjoyed having a cuppa and reading the first chapter of "A Heart Like His" by Rebecca Manley Pippert this morning. Also had a brief chat to one of my old high-school teachers who's apparently just retired.

There are some questions and reflections at the end of each chapter which I don't think I ever spent much time on before, but I'm looking at this time round as a few friends and I are reading the chapter together so we can talk about what God's teaching us through it.

Rebecca writes about David and Goliath, "As far as David was concerned, life's difficulties always present us with a choice. Do we trust in appearances or in the unseen living God? For David there was no contest, because he was convinced that beyond appearances lay the deeper reality of God." (p22) One of the questions at the end of the chapter is what things I fear that are of Goliath-sized proportion in my life.

I think one of my big fears is the future. I'm scared of what God has planned for my life. I'm not even sure why I'm scared of that. I guess it's the unknown. As someone who likes to plan and be prepared, it's difficult to trust God when He hasn't yet revealed what He would have me do in years to come... but looking back over life, I'm glad God didn't reveal too many steps ahead. Letting go and trusting God is the big challenge. I guess there's also the fear of the moulding process, of getting rid of all those parts of me that aren't like Jesus, of surrendering completely and letting God reshape me. Sometimes it really hurts!

Rebecca suggests finding seven verses about God's character to remind ourselves of who He is, and to consider our fear in light of these verses. So, here's my first verse:

Have no fear... for the LORD will be your confidence (Proverbs 3:25-26)


What does this tell me about God's character? He will be my confidence. This has nothing to do with my abilities... it's not dependent on me in any way. Rebecca put it well, "... it's God-confidence we need far more than self-confidence" (p19). Yep, that's what this verse implies. God-confidence. I need to stop worrying whether I'll be able to do what God calls me to do, and start remembering that whatever God calls me to do, He will be my confidence... so I don't need to be scared!

Taking a Breath & Having My Butt Kicked

This weekend's been an exhausting one, but a good one. Mum's amazing - she's been looking after the girls most of this weekend so I could get to the Revive conference myself and be encouraged and challenged, and so I could be part of the music team tonight at Church. Even after working full-time, she's still always wanting to help in whatever way she can. God's been so good to me giving me Mum and Dad. They're such a huge support.

I was a bit worried about going to the conference and bumping into people who haven't seen me in a while and maybe aren't aware of what's happening. I was worried that it'd upset me. But those I did bump into were just loving, they were God's hands and feet - Neil Dawson gave me a hug and encouraged me, Ros (who was one of Mum's bridesmaids) encouraged me and we just chatted about some of the struggles we've faced recently in life, another lady who I didn't even know came and prayed with me and put her arms around me as did Melissa. All these people, plus others, helped me to feel God's loving arms around me saying, "Alison, I am with You".

I think yesterday was a chance to "breathe", and I really needed to take a good, long breath. I had the opportunity to go to two different workshops in the afternoon, and one was on "A Contemplative Life". Through it, God reminded me of His promise to never leave me, and that He will continue to shape my life and use me, if I allow Him to.

But after enjoying drawing breath during the day, the evening was a big kick up the butt. Mike Frost spoke on the Holy Spirit sending us out, that if we're not being sent, we aren't allowing the Spirit to lead and guide us. Ouch. I was reminded how easy is to focus on myself, to want God to encourage and inspire me, while leaving out the next very important step of then being propelled forward to share His love with others. (Saying that, healing is important at certain times in our lives, too.) But God hasn't given us hope to just keep us as individuals, or even as a bunch of Christians, going. He hasn't given us hope so we can just keep it to ourselves, He wants us to share His hope with others... to be real with each other (not just other Christians)... to walk through the tough stuff together.


God, change me. Give me Your heart and Your eyes. Help me to take my eyes off myself and my pain, and help me to truly love others in the toughness of life so that each and every person can have the opportunity to respond to your offer of hope and new life. Thank You Lord for Your Spirit, help me to surrender to You completely so that You can use me in my weakness, and show others Your incredible Strength.

Uniqueness

My brother dropped by tonight, and we had another good old chat about life. While we were chatting I remembered a beautiful poem my Grandma wrote for me many years ago:

God wishes for you adventure in your uniqueness
Being yourself, not someone else
Never losing sight of the fun of you... or what He wants you to be
Always remembering that you are His way of being creative

Psalm 139 talks about God creating me as "me" (knitting me together in my mother's womb), but I've been trying to think about other things the Bible say about uniqueness. There are verses about each of us being part of the body of Christ and doing our own part, and each of us being given different gifts... but not sure this necessarily means the gift is completely unique to me.

There are so many different people who God uses in so many different ways - the Bible is full of accounts of people He used whose stories are all so different, and many are stories that baffle us, like Hosea... OK, yeah God wanted to teach Israel a lesson about His faithfulness despite their unfaithfulness, but couldn't He have found another way than poor Hosea having to marry a woman who would continually be unfaithful to him by committing adultery, and who God would call him to continue to love?

I guess my uniqueness may not necessarily be the kind of uniqueness I desire, but God has made each one of unique. Recognising my uniqueness means I can let God use that uniqueness to bring glory to Him. I can be freed to be who He made me to be, rather than who everyone else expects me to be.

Odd

As I was reversing the car up our driveway, I saw this in the rear-vision mirror. I assumed the car was just pulling in and would park further down the road. But as I got out, I realised it was definitely stationary. I walked towards it to see if the driver was sitting in the vehicle... no sign of them anywhere. Then I decided I had to take a picture. I couldn't believe they parked there - how ridiculous! Especially considering there were hundreds of metres of free parking space directly in front of the car! Maybe they think the law states that you can park up to a metre over the driveway (rather than from it)? They were then parked for at least an hour and a half. They were fortunate I was only reversing half way up the driveway so we (I) could wash it!

While I'm thinking of odd things, this morning I found a recipe for anzac cookies on the back of some oats I'd bought at Aldis. It says to use 113 grams of butter. Surely it's a typo - even some of my friends who are quite pedantic cooks (compared to me who measures fairly roughly) wouldn't measure 3 grams!! Or would you? Please tell me you wouldn't!!

A Special Treat

Today I went and had lunch in a cafe (I guess you'd call it that?) by myself. It's a new chicken and salad place near the florist near Woolworths at Westfield. I highly recommend the food there. I bought a small seafood salad and small chips, not realising how big the serves would be, so ended up bringing some salad home. I saw the burgers they made after I'd placed my order - they looked yummy too.

It's interesting how your views on certain things can change over time - I used to think it was so embarrassing going to a restaurant all alone. I remember going to Melbourne for work a few years ago and ordering room service because I was too embarrassed to eat on my own in the restaurant. I didn't want to sit there all by myself.

But now, it's kind of a treat to be able to eat on my own... to not have to worry about anyone else, to make sure they're eating, that they're not throwing food on the floor or spilling their drink... to not have to scoff my food down while trying to encourage them to stay still for a little longer while I finish my food... to not have to clean up and be embarrassed by the mess covering our table and everything within a one kilometer radius of it...

So, even though part of me still doesn't like the 'loneliness' factor of eating by yourself, I enjoyed my lunch. It was peaceful.

His Heart Beat

Yesterday's message at Church was about the new life we are offered through Jesus. It was a great message, really encouraging.

The Pastor spoke about heart transplants - where someone has donated their heart so another person can have a new chance at life - and how in a similar way Jesus gave up His life so that we could have a new chance at life. He said it much better than I've written it though.

I think the transplant idea really struck a chord with me because I had a corneal transplant a few years ago, just before I fell pregnant with Sarah. And this has given me a second chance in terms of the vision in one of my eyes. So I'm really grateful to whoever it was that donated their cornea! But more than that, I'm grateful to Jesus for the new life He's given me.

He also suggested that once we have accepted Jesus as our Lord, we have Jesus' own heart beating inside of us (spiritually speaking). So our actions and thoughts will be driven and directed by His heart living in us. What an amazing thought! I am still baffled as to why the God of this universe would choose to give His only Son's life so that we could know Him and He could live in us?!?!?! What a concept?! There was a great verse he quoted about this which I didn't write down so of course have forgotten, think it might be in Corinthians.

As one struggling with life some days (today being one of them!) it's great to be reminded that Jesus offers new life... that in Him I do have hope... that in Him I have new-found freedom... that I can look forward to eternity with Him.

Resting in His shadow

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

Keeping Up Appearances

A big cause of stress for me is seeking to please other people. I guess like Hyacinth Bucket, I like to try and keep up appearances. I want people to affirm me. Because of this desire for approval, I want to justify my decisions to them too. But as a few wise, older people have told me, I am accountable to God alone for the decisions I make, and my actions. People can, and will think what they like without knowing the full story, but I am accountable to God not them.

When I seek to please God I don't feel this same kind of stress. I know there's nothing I can do to win His approval - He just loves each one of us as we are, regardless of what we do or don't do. And when I sin, and confess my sin to God, He forgives me. That's the amazing grace He offers through Jesus. Not that I should be blaze and just say, "Oh well, God will forgive me", I need to seek to be holy as He calls me to, but at the same time God knows I am human and that I will fail and still sin. That's why He sent Jesus.

God knows my heart. The beginning of Psalm 139 talks about God searching me and knowing me. I can't hide anything from God. So keeping up appearances is a futile exercise with God. It's a scary thought, but also a comforting thought. I don't need anyone else's approval, when I die, God's 'opinion' is the only one that matters, and His opinion is dependent on my acceptance of Jesus. So why do I waste so much time stressing about keeping up appearances?

Thank You Lord that You know my heart, yet You still choose to love me. Help me to seek to please You and You alone and to stop stressing about what other people think of me.

Growing up

My little baby is growing up - tonight she's sleeping in her big bed for the first time. I thought she might not be ready to leave her cot, but she seemed fine and went straight to sleep. Mind you, the remainder of the night, and tomorrow morning, will be the test... a new bed = new freedom!

I'm excited, but I'm also sad that she's no longer my little baby.

It's funny that I hadn't really planned to move her into the big bed at a particular age. This afternoon I just thought, I think she might be ready so why not give it a try? So far I'm glad I did.

Makes me grateful that God just leads me one step at a time in life. Unlike me though, God does have the next step mapped out ahead of time (even before I was born! Psalm 139). He just doesn't show me till I need to know, which I'm realising is a really good thing. As much as I like to plan, I'm also good at worrying.

Thank You Father for showing me each step as I need to take it. Help me to trust You.

Invisible

There are times when I would love to be invisible... when the girls have a tantrum, when I discover my fly's undone and has been all morning (yes, it happened a few weeks ago!), when I realise I've said something that I shouldn't have...

And there are times when I feel like I'm invisible but wish I wasn't.

In the movie Big Daddy, a little boy is given some sunglasses and told that when he wears them he'll be invisible, to try and help him overcome his fear of others... So he uses them whenever he feels scared and believes that he's invisible (though of course he's not).

Why am I pondering this?

I think I've realised as I've been going through a tough journey that often times you feel like you're invisible. The kind of invisible that you want to be because it's too difficult to deal with, but the kind of invisible that you don't want to be because you need to know people care.

I've realised that so often I don't say something when someone is going through tough stuff because I don't know what to say, and I'm scared I'll want to feel invisible afterwards. But, from personal experience, I've really appreciated people who've said something. The majority of the time, we'll never understand exactly what the other person's going through, but we don't have to in order to help and support them. Sometimes a simple acknowledgment is all it takes.

Maybe being invisible isn't all it's cracked up to be?

Patient Endurance

Sometimes I find it hard to accept God's timing. His timing is so often not the timing I would choose. I'm an impatient person, I admit, especially in certain areas of my life. But I need to learn to be patient.

Patience is talked about often in the Bible, and it's one of the fruits of the Spirit. So if I have God's Spirit and am allowing Him to control my life, this fruit, patience, should be displayed in my life. But so often it's not.

Colossians 1:10-12 talks about praying for "great endurance and patience" among other things. I think the two go hand in hand - to endure we need to be patient. I notice when I feel impatient I also feel like I want to throw in the towel and give up (ie. I don't want to endure).

I always find it comforting to hear about other people who've experienced similar struggles to me. Job seems to wrestle a bit with this concept of God's timing and his own lack of patience, and asks in chapter 6, verse 11, "What strength do I have, that I should still hope, what prospects, that I should be patient?".

I love finding real, honest people in the Bible - I love that God gives us glimpses of other people's struggles here on earth and that He shows us how mighty, awesome and loving He is, that He gives them the strength to patiently endure through these struggles.

Patient endurance, that's what I need. Again, back to my favourite verse in Habbakuk, if I look to my circumstances this is hard to do. But if I look to the hope God has given me by His grace through Jesus' death and resurrection... the hope of a place where there will be no more tears and crying, the hope of spending eternity with Him... I can patiently endure.

Lord, by Your Spirit, help me to be patient. You know it's hard at times, and a real struggle... it's hard for me, but thank You that I don't have to do it alone. Thank You that You've given me Your Spirit who enables me to patiently endure. Help me to be guided by Your Spirit every day, and develop in me a patient endurance.

This is MY tantrum!

One afternoon last week, both the girls had a couple of tantrums... it was one of those difficult days! While Sarah was in the middle of another tantrum, I said, "Alright, I think it's Mummy's turn to have a tantrum now...", but Sarah yelled, "No Mummy, you're NOT having a tantrum. This is MY tantrum!!!"

I have no idea why, but I was thinking about that as I was taking the girls for a drive tonight. I was thinking how sometimes it's almost like we say to God, "This is MY life". There are times when I wonder what on earth God is doing with my life. I want to know why things have happened the way they have... after all, it is MY life. Or is it? It's actually the life that God has given me. HE is the one who created me.

Psalm 139 is one of my favourite Psalms and talks about God "knitting me together in my mother's womb" and planning all the days of my life before I was even born. Yeah, this is the life GOD's given me. I guess I can spend my days trying to figure everything out, or I can spend my days surrendering to God, seeking His guidance and trusting Him.

As tempting as it is to try and take the reigns, and to say, "This is MY life", I need to let go and trust God and His plan for my life. After all this is the life that HE has given me, He is the Potter... I'm just the clay.

No perseverance

Last night Dad downloaded some videos of Mark Driscoll's sermons on trials and perseverance. I started listening to the first on Perseverance Until Judgement, where he looks at 2 Peter 3:1-7, but didn't manage to persevere... I was about half way through when I gave up. Hopefully I'll persevere another night.

Mark suggests that so often in our culture everything is about instant gratification, and as a result we're not very good at persevering. I agree. Even my decision to stop listening to his message tonight fits with this idea - I wasn't hearing what I'd expected to hear so I gave up, I didn't persevere.

He talks about persevering through Scripture. This afternoon I met with some friends and we were discussing Psalm 1 that says as we meditate on God's Word day and night we will be like trees planted by streams of water, bearing fruit each season. If we're not seeking wisdom from God's Word, where is our wisdom coming from? Whose voice are we listening to?

Psalm 119 says, "I have hidden Your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against You". It's really important that we meditate on God's Word, and "hide" His wisdom and promises in our heart. Then in the tough seasons, we can pull out those verses that have been hidden in our hearts.

As I was listening to Mark's first point about persevering with Scripture, I was thinking that this alone is not enough (not that Mark was suggesting it was). I remember someone telling me that one of their lecturers at uni knew the Old Testament back to front but wasn't a Christian. This shows that it's possible to "know" the Bible, but not know God or Jesus at all.

If we are simply reading God's Word to fill our minds with knowledge, what is the point? Psalm 119 is a great reminder to hide God's Word in our heart. I need to be asking God, by His Spirit, to transform me as I meditate on His Word, to help me hide it in my heart, so that I can live the way He calls me to live.

Yes, in order to persevere to the end, and bear fruit in every season, we need to be constantly spending time in God's Word, letting Him transform us by His Spirit.

Lord, help me to regularly spend time reading Your Word, and not just reading it, but hiding it in my heart and letting Your Spirit transform my thinking and my actions. Especially when I'm tired and struggling with life, help me to persevere in reading Your Word.

For such a time as this

As I've been pondering more on God's call for my life (as written in my last blog on obedience), I've taken another look at the book of Esther. As I've put on my facebook profile, I'd love to be like Esther, a woman of strength and dignity. Esther was a woman who was obedient to God.

My desire is to know the details of exactly what God wants me to do, when He wants me to do it, etc. But God's desire is for me to be obedient to Him.

Here's a snippet from the overview of Esther in my New Living Translation Touch Point Bible:

"What are you dealing with that is beyond your control? How did you get there? Realise that these are not the key questions. The key question is, Now what? What can I do to turn this difficult situation into something that serves God and others? Perhaps God has brought you into this situation "for such a time as this," so that you can turn your adversity, problems, weakness, sorrow, or grief into a special opportunity to do something wonderful for God and others."

A friend posted an inspiring, but very sad, story on her blog, about a couple who did just this - they used their tough journey as a special opportunity to glorify God. You can view a short video here, or the mother's journal here... get ready to cry if you watch the video or read the journal. It's heart-wrenching. Life really is tough sometimes.

For such a time as this...

Yes, for such a time as this... perhaps this is God's call for my life? Perhaps I didn't need God to tell me before-hand how He wanted to use me and what He wanted me to do - perhaps God in His wisdom realised if I knew before-hand what was coming I probably would have bailed out. Perhaps He just wants me to be obedient of the everydayness of life and seek to glorify Him in that, to obey Him no matter what.

Father God help me to use every part of my life to bring glory to You. May my pain and struggles be a special opportunity to do something wonderful for You and others.

Obedient???

I've been thinking a lot about the sermon on Sunday night about Jeremiah, and the need for us to be obedient to God's call for our lives. It was a great message. When we give excuses, even if they're legitimate, God says, "I don't care" - He wants us to be obedient. He will be our Strength when we are weak. Even when His way doesn't make sense to us, He knows what He's doing. We just need to trust Him and be obedient.

My only struggle with what is I heard is, what is God calling me to? God has left clear instructions in His Word about the way I should live and I need to obey these instructions, but in terms of specific instructions as to what He would have Alison Young do, or His call for my life, that's not so clear... at least I don't think it is yet. I guess at times in the past it has been.

If God gave me a clear message, like He did with Jeremiah (chapter 1), it'd make the obedience part simpler. Or would it? Often what God calls to do is uncomfortable, difficult, and different to what we would like to do.

I guess for me at the moment God's made it pretty clear that the magazine and Kids Hope are two ministries He wants me involved with at this point in time. And of course, being a Mum to my girls and helping them to learn about Him.

In verse 12, God says, "... and I will certainly carry out my plans." God is sovereign, He's in control and working out His plans.

Back to that good old Proverb again, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Lord, help me to trust You, even when I don't understand, and to be obedient even when it's uncomfortable and difficult. Thank You that You are Sovereign and working out Your plans. Give me Your Wisdom and by Your Spirit, guide my thoughts and my actions. Help me to surrender to You completely.