Boundaries & Character Development

Scenario: Lucy doesn't want to go to bed. She wants to lie on the lounge and drink her milk while she watches her music DVD. I try to carry her into her bed (sometimes this works), and as we start walking to her room she screams and insists on staying on the lounge. So I cave and let her stay on the lounge - occasionally I'm strong and just let her scream, but usually I fold because I can't be bothered "fighting" her will. I know longer term this is not a helpful thing to do, but sometimes it's about survival!

I've started reading Boundaries with Kids again - I started after Sarah was born but didn't get very far. Just recently I decided I needed to work on my ability to set appropriate boundaries for the girls (as proven in the scenario above). I'm not very good at doing this - I think it's the heart ruling the head thing, that I feel bad being too firm, and I want her to be happy (not screaming!).

I've been pondering about one of the statements in the book for a few days now (p15):

"When you are a parent, you help create a child's future. The patterns children establish early in life (their character) they will live out later. And character is always formed in relationship. We can't underestimate your role in developing this character."

Apart from the statement being scary (what a huge responsibility!), I'd never really thought about character being linked to patterns established early in children's lives, and something I play a part in developing in the girls. I don't know where I thought character was developed. Maybe I thought it was similar to personality in that it's something you're born with (characteristics?), but saying that we do talk about God developing our character, so it must be something we need to work on.

Thought I'd look at what the dictionary defines character as: "The set of qualities that make somebody or something distinctive, especially somebody's qualities of mind and feeling". This could suggest it's something we're born with? So perhaps it's a bit of both?

If one aspect of being a parent is about helping your children develop their character, which I'm beginning to think it is, then I need to be thinking about the impact of the seemingly little things on their character development. What message am I sending to Lucy when I just let her get her way and lie on the lounge instead of going to bed? Maybe this isn't a significant issue at this age, but the patterns we're getting into now will be harder to break as time goes on.

OK. That's enough pondering for tonight. This is a huge topic and I'm feeling tired.